Pseudonym.... creative juices not flowing today (homeissomewhere) wrote,
Pseudonym.... creative juices not flowing today

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What am I doing??

Bah, I have a headache. Nothing major of course, but worthy of complaining about. It's just general tiredness, I suppose. I WILL NOT stay up late watching Johnny Depp movies anymore, I will not!

I'm sitting in my dorm room at 10 to 8 with little idea of what I'm doing here. I think I'll find a way to insert a picture of me that I've taken in here, the crappy blinds in my background. After my room mate Samantha left several hours ago, I could finally get in a bit of sleep, which ended up being a hours and filled with mysterious, disturbing snatches of dreams about college life. My room mate's family is very religious, which alienates me a bit and I don't know how to act. I don't think I've put down the religion at all, which is good, and they haven't badgered me about it either. I don't want this to turn into another Marie or Peter situation, but I don't think it will.

SInce I've reached the point of seeing that this is actually happening, I've had thoughts that never occured to me before now. Will I ever meet anyone here? Will I end up in this room, driven half crazy all the time? Instead of walking around introducing myself to people, I've secluded myself in this little room and done nothing since I got here but unpack and sleep. My mother is staying another 5 days, unfortunately; I feel so broken and distant from my family. In an earlier episode, she let slip something that made me realize what a horrific situation this really is. I've been saying all summer that I can't do this anymore, but it's only now that I see I really can't. I have been hurt so much that it may kill my will to go on. It practically already has.

I'm sorry to depress anyone who happens to be reading, it just always comes out this way. It's just the way I feel and there's no way around it. I hope for everyone's sake it gets better.

AAACH! I just found a fire ant on me!
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